


Grace

by Leonie1988



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-13 06:59:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2141484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonie1988/pseuds/Leonie1988
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edith is lonely and sad, but there are people who help her to overcome her fears and make a decision that might safe her life. --- No couples except for cannon, maybe a prospect for one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

.

She lay in her bed and was thinking about Sybil. Or more precisely she was thinking about both of her sisters and what had become of the three happy little girls in the picture she was looking at.

_Two down, one to go._

Mary had been down before, but she had picked herself up again. Mary would always come out on top, if it came to her love life. With so many men to choose from, how could she not? If there hadn’t been any suitors after Matthew she might not have been able to as fast as she did, but Mary’s beauty and reputation ensured a steady flow of new options. Even if not, at the end of the day she still had little George, who would always love her unconditionally and furthermore the attention of their parents, who seemed to react to every little change in their eldest daughter’s demeanour and reacted accordingly.

Sybil had been such a free spirit who was able to shed every last ounce of everything she had grown up with and not let anything or anyone dictate what she could do or who she could love. Up until her death she had lived her life like she saw fit, so maybe she really was a winner in the end if it hadn’t been for her untimely death. She had taken every hurdle in life with a stride. When she wanted to become a nurse and their father had resisted, she insisted on doing it anyway. When she was cast away by the family because of her choice to marry Tom, she had stood straight and proud, not letting anybody define her happiness.

Edith herself had thought she had picked herself up again nicely after being jilted at the altar, but as she was looking back at the last couple of years she knew it hadn’t worked properly. She had felt great when she started writing and had been courted by her smart editor, but now she knew that what Sir Anthony Strallan had done to her, had scarred her deeper than she thought possible. She had happily reciprocated the first glimpses of affection anyone had shown her and if it hadn’t been Michael Gregson, it could have been any man really. She had directed all her hopes for the future at Michael and had never taken a step back to actually think about what she needed and wanted. In hindsight she knew she had needed and wanted a free man, who would be accepted and liked by her family, who she could love freely and who would not feel the need to run away from her. All her prospects so far had not complied with one or more of these factors. And to top it all off, she wasn’t able to come home at night and feel the love of her daughter. She wasn’t as charming as Mary with men or as strong as Sibyl in life. The only friends she ever had had been Patrick and Sibyl. There was a young maid, when she was younger, who had been her confidant, but she had left and married when Edith was only thirteen. Edith used to talk to her mother about nearly everything, but she felt as if her mother wasn’t really listening to her and her problems, so at some point she just stopped. It became easier to just keep to herself and not be a burden to anyone.

Having her daughter close by was a fraction better than to how it was before, but Edith still felt utterly sad, constantly. Even though her mother tried to console her sometimes, it never worked, because she didn’t know why Edith was so sad. Aunt Rosamund was in London and when she talked with her on the phone, she couldn’t talk freely, because she might be overheard. And her grandmother acted as if nothing ever happened. The couple who had adopted her daughter named her Marigold. Edith was very unhappy with the name, but it now was on her birth certificate, so she couldn’t easily change it. During her pregnancy, she just called her child sweetie or honey and after she was born and during the time she nursed her, she called her Grace. The weeks she spent with her were the best weeks of her life and the day she had to give her up was the worst day of her life. It was also the day she lost all her faith in god. Who would be so cruel to give her something so perfect and beautiful just to take it away again? Who would take a child from her mother or a husband from his wife or a wife from her husband? It wasn’t just.

Edith stopped her thoughts and threw the picture of her sisters and herself across the room, before she burst into tears.

_To hell with god, to hell with Mary and her new prospect of happiness, to hell with it all._

She sobbed and looked teary eyed across the room. She couldn’t leave the broken glass on the floor. One of the maids may notice and tell Carson, who might tell her father and she really couldn’t handle a talk about why she had broken a picture frame, which normally stood on a table in the library, in her own room. She dragged herself up and started picking up the pieces of shattered glass from the carpet. Afterwards she was surprised to see, that she had cut herself without even noticing. It was probably the numbness she was feeling constantly.

She had gotten very good at hiding all the changes in herself. Upon her return from Switzerland she had started dressing and bathing herself, saying she had gotten used to doing it herself, since she didn’t have a ladies maid abroad. Of course it was only to hide her changed body; she also clothed herself in more loose fitting outfits, which was alright, because the current fashion was all about flowing fabric. What she apparently couldn’t hide was her constant foul mood. Mary’s sniping remarks were worse than ever and cut deeper than ever. Her already thin emotional skin was easily injured and more than not, she tried to hurt Mary back, which backfired as always.

One thing that always seemed to help was her occasional visits to the Drewe family, even though she could never stay long and never hold Grace for more than a few minutes. Being close to her gave her new energy to get through the days.

Another thing that helped was her diary. If it wasn’t all too real and sad, it would make a real good tearjerker novel, she thought.

_My life is a tragedy in its own._

\---

Edith decided to get a plaster for her finger, before she covered the whole carpet in red. She put on her dressing gown with care to not spoil it and walked through the big house downstairs to the kitchen. It was 11 at night and she was sure everybody had already gone to bed, but when she entered the corridor, Mr Carson stepped in her way.

“Milady, how can I be of assistance at this hour of the night?”

“Mr Carson, I am so very sorry if I am a burden, but as you see, I have cut my finger on my letter opener and need something to stop the bleeding.”

As Mr Carson looked down at her hand his eyes went wide. “Oh Lady Edith, of course, please let me get Mrs Hughes, she can help.”

“Please don’t wake Mrs Hughes on my behalf, I am quite capable of applying a plaster; I did look after soldiers during the war, you know. Would you just be so kind to give me one and I will be out of your way?”

Mr Carson looked at Edith, who was pale and thin, upon closer inspection.

“Please come into my office, if you won’t feel uncomfortable.”

“I have known you since my birth Mr Carson, nothing you do could make me uncomfortable, but I thank you for your consideration. You are our very own keeper of the rules.”

Mr Carson straightened out, proud of himself. “Always at your service, milady.”

“I know Carson, thank you.”

Edith followed him into his room, were he started pulling out drawers, until he seemed to have found what he was looking for. He handed Edith the little box, in which she found everything she needed to bandage her cut. This gave Carson a moment longer to look at Lady Edith. Not only was she pale and thin, her worry lines seemed deeper than ever. No young Lady like her should ever be as unhappy as she had been these past several months.

“I am sorry if I am crossing a line, but may I offer my ear, whenever you feel the need to talk to someone who isn’t of your family, milady?”

Edith considered this for a second, before she answered him.

“In light of your close friendship with my older sister Mary, I don’t see how I could ever tell you anything I don’t want her to know, Mr Carson. I mean no disrespect, but I am very aware where your loyalties lie.”

Edith saw how Mr Carson struggled with his next words, it wasn’t every day one was able to see Mr Carson be uncertain of anything, so she continued: “But please don’t feel bad on my behalf, I have always been used to standing in Mary’s shadow, may it be with suitors, my parents or the staff.”

_And in her shadow I shall remain._

“Milady, I feel deeply troubled that you feel this way. Your family loves you very much and, but please keep this between us, you are much respected downstairs, because you are well read, always polite to the maids and footmen and low-maintenance in comparison to everyone else.” He said and Edith had to chuckle.

“Yes, I guess since I’m not using a ladies maid anymore, I am indeed low-maintenance.” She stopped and decided to change the topic. ”Do you remember a young maid who used to work here when I was around ten? Her name was Alice and she was very hardworking and always kind. She went off to marry a young man in London. She was a really good judge of character. I loved her dearly and I felt very lonely after she went away. My parents started grooming Mary to be the next Lady Grantham; from the second they realized they wouldn’t have a son. Sybil was much better at playing second fiddle than I ever was. I envied Mary and she despised me for it. I now see how stupid and weak I was back then. How stupid I still am for wanting some attention from time to time.”

Edith had no idea why she was telling the butler all that, she didn’t want to make him feel bad, but she wanted him to understand. A lone tear and a small sob escaped Edith. She was sat down into a chair by Carson and a minute later hot tea was placed in front of her.

“Drink milady, it will make you feel better.”

There was a knock on the door and it was Mrs Hughes who entered. She looked still half asleep, but when she saw Edith crying in Mr Carson’s chair, she went over to the girl and pulled her into an embrace. Carson was about to stop her, because it wasn’t ‘right’ to hug a Lady, but Hughes stopped him with a wave of her hand. And he was surprised to see that a hug seemed to be the right thing for Lady Edith.

“There, there milady. Everything will be alright.” She said with her heavy accent and stroked the younger woman’s hair soothingly.

“Oh Hughsy, you don’t know how wrong you are, nothing will be alright.” Edith answered. “I am doomed to be a lonely and unhappy.”

Carson gave Mrs Hughes a sign and left the room quietly to give the women some privacy.

“I’m so sorry Mrs Hughes, this is very un-ladylike of me.”

“Do not worry about that milady, everybody is allowed to cry every once in a while and a good hug is usually the best medicine.”

Edith recovered slightly and tried to dry her eyes a bit. “I fear I scared poor Mr Carson, he isn’t used to sobbing ladies.”

“Don’t worry about him. What is it milady? Is it your Mr Gregson, have you heard anything?”

“No, there is no news and with each passing day my hope for his safe return fades more.”

“But is that all? I know there is something else that pains you deeply. You don’t eat well and rarely smile, I hear.”

“Oh I would tell you if I could, but I can’t. This is a burden I must carry on my own.”

“I have a suspicion of what it is that is plaguing you and if it is what I think it is, it really is a reason to be so sorrowful. I don’t know the circumstances, but I do know how hurt you must be.”

Edith looked up at Mrs Hughes and the housekeeper saw the truth in the ladies eyes. “Please don’t say anything to anyone, I wouldn’t survive the repercussions.”

“Your secret is safe with me even though I don’t know any details.”

Edith took a deep breath to calm herself down and started to speak again. “I know it is not very wise to carry photo around with me, but I’d like for you to see it, now that you know what is going on.” Edith handed Mrs Hughes a picture from the inner pockets of her night gown. It was of Grace, her little daughter, in the arms of Mrs Drewe. “You must know how important it is for the sake of this little girl, that you keep her a secret. She would only ever be the bastard of the family and I don’t want her to grow up like that. Can you promise me that?” Edith whispered as not to be overheard.

“I promise, my dear lady. Oh what a lovely little girl! I do promise, no one will ever hear a word from me, but if I may state my opinion, I think your family would support you wherever they could as soon as the shock was settled. They may be hurt and seem ill willed at first, but they would come around and embrace her into the family.”

“Maybe Hughsy, but you know, that is not the only reason. My family would be very hurt, yes, but they would also face a huge scandal and I know my father, he would rather send me away than have another scandal in the house. There have already been one too many for his tastes. Mary he might forgive, but me? No. I can’t risk it, but I do have to come up with a solution, because as depressed as I feel, my life depends on it.”

“From my perspective you have to make a choice for yourself. If you want to be with your child, you can either not tell your parents and leave Downton and go to America to be out of sight or you tell your parents and accept the consequences. Either they sent you away, but your daughter would go with you, or they forgive you and you all weather the storm of society’s wrath together, as a family.”

“I know my options and I think I’m just afraid that they’d actually disown me.”

“So, would it be easier to not even try, milady?”

Edith didn’t answer.

“I presume your aunt, Lady Rosamund, knows everything, because she was with you?”

“Yes and my grandmother figured it out, but I don’t know if I can count on granny to support me. As long as Grace stays hidden she is being supportive, but if it may tarnish the family name… I’m not so sure.”

“So ask her!” Mrs Hughes said. Edith looked up into her eyes.

“I should ask her if we tell them together and if she would calm down her son when he flies off the handle! That could actually work, because I think my mother and Mar would accept it better, if my father was consent. I would still need a huge amount of good luck, but it may work.”

Mrs Hughes smiled and Edith took her hand. “Mrs Hughes, I thank you so much for your help. I still might need some more time and I have to speak to farmer Drewe first, but I now think it might be best after all, if I tell them. I can’t run away from my problems and I can’t live without Grace any longer.”

“I am glad to help any way I can, milady. And if I might say so, I think you would have come to the same conclusion eventually. I just sped up the process.” Mrs Hughes answered and bowed her head slightly.

“You have done so much more than that, thank you. But I need to ask one last thing of you. I still need you to keep this a secret until I have told my parents and it may take another few weeks before that happens.”

“I already promised you that my lady, your wee one’s existence shall remain between us for now.”

Now Edith smiled and she felt as if she smiled a real smile for the first time since she saw Grace last.

_My story may change after all._

.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

.

She had been planning this night for weeks now. Every detail had to work out perfectly. She realised she was also just delaying the inevitable. She had to do several things for her plan to work.

First she had to talk to her grandmother. The Dowager Countess was a hard nut to crack. Not only had she been quiet happy with how everything had gone and the families name was still well, but she was also miffed about the big detour Edith had chosen, with going to Switzerland, coming back, moping around had than go back to the continent to get Grace and place her in Mr Drewe’s care. Edith had argued that it was the right thing to do at the time, but she couldn’t keep the secret any longer and Violet relented. She would support Edith in talking down Robert when he flipped out. And Edith was very grateful.

Second Edith went to London to visit Rosamund. Her aunt wasn’t very amused, that she had spent 8 months and a lot of money to help Edith to keep it all a secret just for her to go back on her word. Edith tried to explain to her how inconsolable she had been and that her life couldn’t continue that way. Edith also told her that she needn’t come and be there when she told her parents, but that it would be great if she had a place to stay for a while, if her parents did cast her out. Rosamund agreed to Edith, but told her before she left that she could be at Downton in half a day and that she should call if she needed her. Edith gave her a hug and thanked her again for all her help and love.

Third she had to talk with Mr and Mrs Drewe, who were the nicest people and agreed to help wherever they could. She just told them to wait for her sign, she’d sent someone when if her parents wanted to see Grace or come herself if she had to leave.

Last, she had to talk to Mrs Hughes, who was supposed to keep all servants out of the drawing room after dinner. Edith didn’t want people enter and leave all the time; it would just make her nervous. She also agreed to keep Mr Carson in check, because she was the only one, besides Lord Grantham, who could.

Around noon she announced, that she would want to talk to everybody after dinner, to which Mary just rolled her eyes, her parents seemed indifferent and Tom was the only one to smile and inquire what she wanted to talk to them about.

“Thank you for inquiring Tom, you will understand in due time.”

“Fine, if you need anything, let me know.”

“There is actually one thing.” Edith said and lowered her voice. “If I were you, I’d have at least one drink during dinner.” She said and winked at him, what made Tom look at her surprised.

Then he smiled and saluted playfully “Your wish is my command!” he said and they both laughed.

_I’m not alone in this. I can do this._

Dinner was a horrible affair for Edith. Her parents made mundane small talk, her sister seemed bored, but shot glances in Edith direction every once in a while, as if she was trying to guess what she was about to be told. And Tom tried to be polite and went along with her pointer and drank two glasses of wine.

“Edith dear, do you think your announcement will take long? I don’t have all night.” Mary said in a sweet voice, which Edith knew to be fake and especially reserved for her.

“My announcement itself won’t take long, Mary. If you wish to leave afterwards, you are welcome.” Edith answered calmly. Her steady voice threw Mary off, because she stopped talking after her question was answered.

\---

After dinner they went into the drawing room and the men refrained from having their usual men talk at the dinner table, for the sake of Edith announcement.

“Now we are all gathered, my dear, what do you have to tell us?” Cora asked her daughter.

Edith was very nervous and kept clenching and unclenching her fist. Her heart was beating faster than ever before. This was the moment of truth, it would change her whole world.

“The time has come that I tell you all what has been plaguing me this last year and what happened while I was away and before. I would be glad if you could all let me tell the story first and tell me what you think after.”

She looked at everybody and her family, all except Violet were eager to hear what she had to say.

“Granny Violet knows what has been going on, but please be kind to her, she had no choice in the matter.” All eyes went to the senior in the room.

“I should start at the beginning and, I guess, that is the day Anthony left me. The following months I was heartbroken. I never thought I would find a husband in my life and when I found one and he jilted me, all my last shreds of hope for a happy life ran away with him. It didn’t help, that many of you had a hand in his departure.”

Again, she paused to gauge everyone’s reaction. Some looked guilty, others indifferent.

“When I got the job at _The Sketch_ , another man came into my life, who adored me, loved me and wanted to marry me.”

This time all eyes shot open.

“Yes, he wanted to marry me, but the real problem was that he was already married. His wife had been in an asylum for over a decade and because of the British law, he was not able to divorce her. She was an innocent party and any judge would have declined his appeal.”

Lord Grantham stood up. “But Edith, he was married? Why would you…” he started saying, but his mother interrupted him. “Robert, I am sure she had her reasons, please listen or do I have to ground you?” she said and he rolled his eyes, but complied and took his seat once again.

Now Edith stood up, sitting wasn’t an option anymore, with how nervous she was.

“He researched quite a bit how he could get a divorce from his wife, to be free for me and he eventually found it. If he were to become a German citizen, he could legally divorce her. That’s why he went to Germany. He gave me a legal document to sign, giving me control over all his assets.” She took a deep breath.

“This isn’t easy.” She said.

“It can’t be that bad, tell us, my love.” Her mother, Cora, said and leaned her head slightly to the side, something she did often when she talked to someone.

“Oh, but it is mama. A few weeks after I received the note that he went missing, I found out I was with child.” She breathed out.

First, there was a deafening silence in the room, as if time stood still. Edith saw the wheels turning, her parents, sister and brother-in-law putting the pieces together. Her loss of appetite in the mornings, which they had accounted to her sadness over Gregson’s disappearance, her stay abroad with aunt Rosamund to improve their French and her constant shadow of sadness that had followed her around.

Her father’s mouth opened and closed, her mother had silent tears in her eyes, Mary sat shell-shocked and Tom almost seemed relieved, as if he was happy for her to finally be rid of the burden. After a couple of slow, torturing seconds or minutes, it appeared Cora wanted to say something.

“What happened?” she asked, still trying to hide her tears.

“Aunt Rosamund found out, because I… I wanted to get rid of it, so she went with me to a man, who called himself a doctor in a back alley.”

Mary and Cora gasped and covered their mouths with their hands. Robert looked to the floor, as if he wanted to blend her out.

”I couldn’t go through with it though, so she made the offer to go to Switzerland with me and give the baby up for adoption. It was the safest bet at the time and because I already started to show, I had to take it. Granny got suspicious and called us out on it.” Edith said and looked over to her grandmother, who examined her son and daughter-in-law closely.

“I was rather surprised I was the only one who found out. Really, the girl has a suitor, who vanishes and she decides to go the continent with her aunt.” Violet said and waved her hand, the way she often did when someone had done or said something ridiculous.

“Typical Edith can’t have the real thing and turns to an older, married man, only to not die a virgin.” Mary said cruelly, but kind of mellow at the same time and Edith filed her spite under shock.

“Mary, stop it.” Robert said and stood up. “For once you can behave yourself.”

“Well I’m not the one who got pregnant out of wedlock.” she started.

“No, but you could have once.” He said and shocked everybody with is apparent taking of Edith’s side for once.

Cora got up as well and walked over to Edith. “Edith, I would have been there for you! Why didn’t you tell me?” she said softly and cupped Edith’s cheeks with her hands.

“I think we all know why she didn’t tell anyone in this room.” Violet stated. “She couldn’t be sure that she’d have your support.”

.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

.

Edith, glad for her grandmother’s help, nodded and hung her head low. Cora now nosily sobbed and pulled her daughter into a big hug. “I’m so sorry that you thought that.”

“You never really gave me a reason not to mama. We have obligations in this family and you and papa have always been very intent on following through with them. We ought to get married to a proper man, we ought to not have a job and it would be jolly good, if we were happy while doing it, but not mandatory.”

The normally overreacting Robert, who seemed to still process everything came over and put his arm around Edith.

“But it’s over now? The child is in Switzerland and everything is on order?”

A bit of anger welled up in Edith and she struggled free of her parent’s arms, but before she could reply, Tom voiced his opinion.

“I don’t believe anything is in order, when her child is away from her, Robert, if I may say so. If I would have to live a week without Sybbie, I would die. Edith must feel terrible pain to be away from… do you have a daughter or a son, Edith? Congratulations by the way.”

“Thank you Tom. I had a baby girl and her name is Grace. She is the most precious little thing. She looks a bit like our mother.” She said and shot a look in her mother’s direction.” And you are right. I couldn’t stand living without her, with Grace being a thousand kilometres away from me, so I brought her back here. I went back to Europe, went to the family that had secretly adopted her and now she lives with the Drewe family on their farm. Mr. Drewe was nice enough to help me out. I have been able to visit her every once in a while.”

“So I have a niece, how lovely.” Tom said and smiled at Edith, who returned his smile with teary eyes.

“But it’s not that easy, is it?” Mary, who seemed to have come through her shock, said. “What is your plan Edith?”

“You are right Mary, the problems remain. Society doesn’t look kindly upon a single woman and her bastard child, however cute the child might be.” She said and thought about how cute indeed Grace was, which made her smile.

“Edith, I have to say something and I am aware that I might fulfil all the doubts you had about telling us, but how could you have been so foolish? Firstly, you got close to a married man; you should have kept your distance as soon you learnt he was married! Secondly you have an – affair – with him and get pregnant and thirdly, you decide to keep it a secret from us and hide away with you aunt! I’m disappointed. I thought we had raised you better. And I thought we had raised you in a way in which you could always feel comfortable to tell us anything! Instead we find out about our third grandchild a year after her birth!”

“Her birthday was yesterday actually. And now that we are talking about our relationship; I felt like the outcast, that’s why I never told you. One night, right after Sybil had gone to that political event with you Tom, I wanted to come to your room and speak out my support on her behalf and I overheard you talking about us. You said you must support Mary and Sybil to get settled and then you went on to say horrible things about me. I turned around and left. That was the moment I stopped telling you everything in my life and I started distancing myself from you.” Edith finished and looked at her parents. She had never told anyone that she had eavesdropped that night and until a minute ago she never intended to tell anyone, but the situation seemed to command it. “From that moment on I was on a mission to find my own happiness, my own family.”

“What in god’s name did we say? I don’t recall anything of the sort.” Cora wondered.

“It was nearly a decade ago and daddy said, and I quote: ‘Poor old Edith, we never seem to talk about her.’ To which you answered: ‘I’m afraid Edith will be the one to care for us in her old age.’ And then father again: ‘What a ghastly prospect.’ What was I supposed to think? I was nineteen years old and the only person in the family who liked me was Sybil and that was only because of her enormously big heart. When Michael said he loved me, truly loved me, I had to live my life for once and not follow the rules. That didn’t work out with Anthony and it wouldn’t have worked out with Michael either. I loved him and though I have now accepted that he has probably lost his life in Germany, I will always love him and our daughter. And I am truly sorry if I have hurt anyone with my silence, but I felt it was better not to tell you. If I hadn’t been so depressed upon being separated from my daughter, I would never have told you.”

“I feel like I am trapped in a Shakespeare play.” Violet said and despite herself, Edith had to grin.

“It’s a rather dull one, I’m afraid.” Edith said.

“I find it rather fascinating myself.” Tom rebutted.

“It certainly has fascinating monologues.” Mary said and the three youngest in the room snickered silently, but when Edith eyes fell on her mother, she quickly stopped.

“Mama, I am sorry if what I said hurt you. I know you love me; you have shown me that more than once.”

“I certainly do Edith and I am sorry for your fathers and my behaviour. We should have been there for you more. We were distracted, first by Mary and Patrick, then by Mary and Matthew, then by Sybil and Tom and now we put our energy in finding a husband for Rose.”

Edith nodded “I understand all that. It was a troublesome time for all of us.” Then she turned back to Mary. “And to answer your question from earlier, about what my plan was, I decided to wait for everybody’s reaction. If I am to be turned away, I would tide over at aunt Rosamund’s place with Grace for a while, until I found a job and a flat for us to live in. If you all can forgive me, which I hope will be the case; I thought we could figure something out together, as a family. Because as much as I said tonight that I’m independent and don’t need you, I do love you and I would be so happy if Grace could grow up with her cousins.”

“I think Sybbie would be ecstatic to have someone to play dolls with her. George refuses to do anything too girly.”

“Grace is not into much of anything right now… she enjoys feeding the pigs with me, but the only toy she has is her teddy bear.” Edith replied.

“You feed the pigs sometimes? I have never seen you there.” Tom said interested.

“It was more of an excuse for Mrs. Drewe who had no idea Grace is my daughter. Before I forget it, papa and Tom and Mary, I plead with you not to take it out on Mr. Drewe. He was very helpful and he has a great heart to have helped me the way he did.”

“Of course.” Robert answered and looked at Mary.

“He is a good man, I don’t see why there should be consequences.”

“I agree, of course.” Tom finally said and Edith breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank you. Now, do you want to discuss this today or does everyone want to sleep on it and think it through, before I step before the jury?”

Violet snickered from her corner of the room.

“First I want to say something.” Lord Grantham said seriously. Edith whole confidence she had had a minute ago vanished into thin air.

“Robert.” Cora said warningly.

“Don’t ‘Robert’ me. Let me talk first. Edith. Before we turn in for the night, I want you to know, that if it comes to me and your mother, you will - not - be renounced by this family. Mary owns half of Downton, but if she denies you, you can live on our half. I don’t want you going to bed, thinking you might be spending you last night in this house. Yes, we are hurt and we have a lot to talk about, but we will stand by you. And could you please arrange for Grace to have breakfast with us? It would be nice to meet our grandchild.”

Edith was so overjoyed, that she leaped into her father’s arms. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Now now, it’s alright child.” He said surprised, but held her in his arms tightly.

“Now it’s turning into a slightly soppy, modern novel.” Violet chimed in.

“But a good one.” Mary said and smiled, which somehow brought hope to Edith, that more than one thing might change in the future. A thing that she didn’t even know she wanted. A slightly heathier relationship with her sister.

After they had all said their goodnights and the Dowager Countess of Grantham had left, Edith was on her way to her room. A second before she was about to close the door behind her, her mother stopped her.

“Can I come in for a minute?” she asked her daughter.

“Of course, I would be surprised if I could close an eye tonight, so much has changed and I am so excited that you are all willing to support me.” Edith said and started to change into her night cloths.

“How could we not? We are family.”

“I’m so sorry I doubted you, but it wasn’t just that. I was also afraid what society might do, I’m still afraid of that.”

“We will find a solution tomorrow, for now, let’s just talk a bit. I want to know more. I missed everything of your pregnancy. I was able to be there for Mary and sometimes for Sybil, but you were alone.”

“Aunt Rosamund was actually a godsend. She wanted me to tell you in the beginning, but I was the one who refused. She was a great help. She was there for the birth and everything.”

They had sat down in Edith’s bed next to each other, after Edith had finished changing.

“How was that?”

“Well, as you know we lived in a hotel in Geneva. We told the people there that I was a widow, trying to get away from the grief of losing my husband, which was partly true, because I was missing Michael immensely. The birth took very long, the doctor was afraid he would have to do an operation, but I was glad that Grace decided to _grace_ us with her presence in time. She was small, but strong upon her birth, had blue eyes like every baby and was nearly bald. Rosamund had found a family to take her in, but the nurses recommended that I wean her.”

“Oh honey, thank god nothing happened to you two! How long did she stay with you?”

“Four months, eighteen days and eight hours. It was terrible to let her go.” Edith said and like clockwork, started crying again. Cora pulled Edith into her chest and manoeuvred them into a lying position on Edith bed. “I thought I would never see her again and I didn’t, for another six months, until I couldn’t take it anymore and returned to Switzerland to retrieve her. The Swiss family was sad, but they understood it in the end and let her go with me. It was actually Tom who convinced me, unknowingly, to get her. He said that we have to fight our corners if we want to survive and in that moment I knew, that it didn’t matter what Rosamund or granny said, I would never be able to forget her, no matter if I had more kids or find happiness elsewhere. They were just happy that it was all over and done with. They thought if they said it enough times I would believe it, but it never worked. I love her so much, mama.” Edith said and sobbed into her mother’s décolleté.

“I know my love.”

“Of course you know, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I ever thought I could do it. I saw how heartbroken you were after you lost the baby and Sybil. And to think I was actually planning to kill her.”

“You were confused and scared; you would never have done it. For that, I know you too well.”

“I hope you are right. I think you are right, but the thought still haunts me.”

“Everything makes so much sense now. I was so blind the whole time. Your morning sickness… you stopped having a ladies maid.”

“Yes I was so sick the first few weeks, I lost weight in the beginning, but the doctor said that was normal. And then all the changes in my body, a ladies maid would have figured it out in no time. Should I tell you something funny?” She didn’t wait for an answer and continued. “I started letting out my dresses in the middle of the night so no one would notice. I was so helpless with a needle and thread in the beginning, but I had it figured out in no time.”

Cora laughed. “Yes you would, you always achieved anything you put your mind to.”

“Except finding a husband.” Edith said and Cora looked at her, but saw the smile play around the edges of her mouth.

“Yes, except that, but you started driving during the war, you looked after the soldiers with an admirable calmness and you started writing a woman’s column! You achieved a lot. I was very proud of you and I should have shown you that more often, I am sorry Edith.”

“You are already forgiven, mama. You being here right now is all that I needed. Oh, before I forget!” Edith exclaimed and reached over to get something from her night table. She retrieved a book and opened it somewhere in the middle. There was a picture off Edith and Grace; the baby appeared to be only a few days old and lay sleeping in her mother’s arms. The Edith in the picture looked down at her daughter and smiled.

“I also have a more recent picture, but you will see her in a few hours, so this one might be more interesting.”

“She is breathtakingly beautiful my darling, as are you!” Edith reacted with a blush upon hearing her mother’s words.

“Nooo.”

“Yes you are Edith, motherhood clearly becomes you, but you are beautiful nevertheless. And let nobody ever again tell you otherwise, do you understand me? I am still your mother and you must listen to me!”

“Yes ma'am!” Edith said and smiled.

After a few more minutes of light banter and promises, Cora went back to her bedroom, but took the picture secretly with her.

.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

.

Edith rose slightly after dawn and got ready to go to the Yew Tree Farm. She knew the Drewe's always got up early in the morning to feed the pigs and manage the farm, so she would have no problem talking to them, to have Grace at the Abbey for breakfast. She clothed herself and put on her coat, before she went downstairs. When she arrived in the hall, Daisy, the assistant cook, was hurrying downstairs.

"Lady Edith, please excuse me, I didn't know you would be here so early."

"No problem Daisy. It is good that I see you, could you please arrange for some baby food to be at the breakfast table?"

"I will, milady."

"Thank you, Daisy."

Edith left the house and walked to the farm, where she found Mrs. Drewe outside, sweeping their little veranda.

Mrs. Drewe greeted her friendly and went inside to get Mr. Drewe and Grace.

A few minutes later, Mr. Drewe came out with Grace in his arms. As soon as Edith was close enough, Grace practically dove into her arms, that Mr. Drewe had a hard time not to drop her.

"Hello sunshine! It is good to see you, too!" Edith said and giggled, while she pressed her daughter to her heart.

"I haven't seen her this happy since you were here for her birthday!" Mr. Drewe said.

"She knows what's good for her!" Edith joked and they both laughed. "Tim, my family knows, I told them she is my daughter and we are trying to figure out a way for her to be with me."

"I hoped that that would happen one day, milady. We love Grace, but a child belongs to her mother."

"Thank you, for everything you and your wife have done. There is no way I can ever repay you."

"Seeing her happy is jolly good already, milady."

"And please call me Edith." She said.

"I will have to get used to that, mil… Edith."

"Edith!" Came a voice from behind and as she turned around she saw Tom come up to the entrance. "I thought I'd find you here. I am here to offer my services as your driver." Tom said and saluted her. "I saw you leave by foot."

"My dear Tom, how thoughtful of you. I would be happy to accept. But first let me introduce you to your niece, Grace Alice Crawley - at least as soon as I changed the birth certificate – Grace, this is your uncle Tom, he is a lot of fun."

Grace looked from Edith to Tom and back to Edith. "Mama!" she mumbled.

Tom came closer and held his fingers out to Grace. "Hello little Grace, welcome to the family."

"Om!" Grace answered and clapped her hands together.

"Very good, honey. This is T-om."

"Om!" Grace repeated and squealed.

"Ok, we can work on that." Edith said and turned back to Mr. Drewe. "Tim, I will bring her back later and I will tell you with what plan we have come up with."

"Yes, Edith, it would be good to say a proper goodbye to her."

"I really don't know how long it is before I can have her with me permanently. We don't want anybody finding out about her, before we have a story ready."

"Anything you need, milady. I'm sorry, Edith." Mr. Drewe said and smiled.

They bid their goodbyes and Edith, Grace and Tom drove back to the big house by car.

"They should be at the breakfast table already." Tom said and looked over to Edith, as he parked the car.

"Good, than let's go right in."

"I like the new Edith, you seem to be more yourself and more comfortable."

"I think I am. Tom, before we go in – I wanted to thank you for pushing me in the right direction. You said I should fight my corner and that really helped me make up my mind."

"You are welcome, but you would have figured it out sooner or later."

"Better sooner."

They gave their jackets to Carson, who seemed to have been let in on the secret, because he didn't faint when he saw Grace.

"Milady, Mr. Branson."

"Good morning Carson. I feel Mrs. Hughes has already told you about Grace, she is my daughter."

"Congratulations milady. Welcome to the family young Miss Grace. I was shocked Lady Edith, I hope you and your family will find a scandal-free solution."

"We will try, thank you."

As Tom had predicted, the whole Crawley clan had already gathered, including Isobel, Violet and to Edith's surprise Rosamund, who must have taken the night train to arrive at Downton in time.

"Rosamund, I didn't expect you here!" Edith said and went over to greet her, Grace still clinging to her mother, looking around the room suspiciously.

"I came late last night and stayed in town, I wanted to be available to you, if you needed anything." Then she shifted her gaze to Grace and cooed. "Hello, good to see you again. You don't remember me, but I am your great aunt Rosamund." She said and bent down slightly. Grace seemed to like her, because she smiled a toothy smile and squealed. Rosamund plucked her ears close with her fingers. "Oh, your lungs have been strong from the beginning." Rosamund said.

"Just like her mothers." Commented Cora, who had gotten up from the table and stood next to Edith to get a closer look at Grace. "You were a loud squealer as well, laughing all the time." Cora said and caressed her granddaughter's cheek. Edith was unsure what to do, but decided to just let everything work itself out and placed the baby in her mother's arms. One smile from her mother reassured a now slightly fussy Grace, that everything was alright.

Over the next twenty minutes Grace was being passed around and everybody made their introductions to the one-year-old, who had no idea what was going on and who all these people were. Then Edith took her back, when Jimmy brought in the baby food, and started to feed her. Mary and Violet looked as if they wanted to say, 'We have maids and nannies for that kind of thing.', but refrained from saying anything. Edith was grateful for the well behaved atmosphere and she enjoyed feeding her daughter and spending time with her, despite the slightly awkward and unusual setting.

Robert was silently arguing with his sister Rosamund, but Edith was not worried, because both were very much capable of handling themselves.

Violet and Tom were talking, but it appeared to be a peaceful conversation.

That left Mary and when Edith turned around; Mary had taken the free seat next to her. "She does look like Mama slightly." Mary said. Mary had been the only one not to hold her earlier, being afraid Grace would ruin her dress.

"She does, but she has Michael's hair. These waves are unmistakable. Hard to tame." Answered Edith and ran her fingers through Grace' hair.

"I know the feeling." Mary said as she saw Edith get slightly emotional, talking about Michael. "I see Matthew so much in George and it hurts all the time."

"At least this way, they'll never be forgotten. It's hard at times, but it's also a blessing." Edith told Mary.

"It took me a little longer to come to that conclusion." Mary said and smiled. "Edith – I have to say something, but you are not allowed to use it against me later. I think I haven't been giving you enough credit. You fooled us all for a long time and I have to admire the length to which you have gone. You have been strong, but even stronger in telling us now."

"I don't know what to say. I guess thank you. It's good to know my sister doesn't always think I am an idiot. And I can return the favour. I didn't expect you to be so cool about it. Once you were over the shock, you behaved well."

The two sisters smiled at each other honestly for the first time in a long time.

After breakfast, George's nanny took Grace with her and lay her down for her morning nap in Sybbie's old crib. The adults retired to the drawing room to discuss the matter at hand.

Edith was the first to take the word. "I know I have to be realistic about the situation and my proposal would be that I move to London and you all keep a distance from me while the scandal makes the rounds, to not hurt the family name too much. After an appropriate time has elapsed, you 'forgive' me and I either return here or take trips back and forth."

"That would certainly be the most sensible way to handle this, but your mother and I talked about it and we came to a different conclusion. You stay here and we stand by you through it all."

"Robert, I know you think that the times are changing, but an unmarried mother is still an uneasy subject." Violet admonished her son.

"I think the acceptance has to start somewhere and why not here, with Edith and Grace." Tom opposed.

"Only because we want people to accept it, doesn't mean they will Tom." Mary said. "We would be social outcasts. No parties, no balls, no social dinners."

"Mary is right, I can't expect that from you. I have made enough trouble as it is."

"I think what you can expect from us, is for us to decide, don't you think?" Cora replied.

"To a degree yes, but you have to think about Mary and Rose, Mary already has suitors, but I don't want to stand in the way of anyone's happiness and it wouldn't be fair to Rose, she is a part of this family. Where has she been, by the way?" Edith asked confused.

"She is staying with a good friend of mine in London; she will be back later this afternoon. And I think she would do fine, she is not a Crawley and after her presentation, I don't think she will have any problems." Rosamund replied.

"I could be exiled to London only for a few months, that wouldn't be too bad."

"You could stay with me!" Rosamund said.

"See, I could stay with aunt Rosamund, so you wouldn't really abandon me."

The arguing continued for a while, but to Edith it didn't really matter what would happen. She knew her family stood by her and that was the most amazing feeling ever, besides being with Grace. And when Tom smiled at her over his tea cup, she knew the future didn't look so bleak anymore.

.

**THE END**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am planning to write a long epilogue. Do you want one? OR a new story, lika a sequel.


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